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Underground web designers - the web's mysterious superheroes

If being mysterious was a superpower, then underground web designers would be right out there on the streets with the likes of Spiderman and Wolverine. As it is however, they are still more than capable of doing battle with their arch nemesis (possibly Doc Spellcheck or Grammarman?) for domination of Cyberspace.

But who are these Mystery Men (and women of course)?

Like Clark Kent leading a geeky existence at the Daily Planet or Peter Parker scratching a living as a Paparazzo, these individuals often lead perfectly ordinary lives during the day to conceal their ‘true identities’. When night falls however, they transform into a race of online beings basking in an almost celebrity-like status amongst other webbies who admire their fighting spirit and strictly non-conformist attitudes towards the web design industry as a whole.

In an effort to show their superhuman abilities compared to ordinary web developers, underground web designers decorate their online real estate in brash colours or dark, tormented Post-Batmanesque shades. This does of course attract a certain amount of attention so, in order to confuse potential enemies stumbling across their lairs, font colours either blend almost perfectly into the background or stand out in such contrast as to induce a migraine in all but the most colour-blind reader.

Similarly, font sizes used tend to be far too small to be read by the human eye, so as to preserve the secret nature of the messages contained within these superheroes’ sites. This particular tactic however may be foiled by the appearance of another arch villain; the Windows Magnifier.

Let’s take a quick look at the profile of an Underground web designer.

Dark Monsoon (D4rK M0n500N) is one of an elite cadre of heroes stalking the gloomy streets of cyberspace. Tirelessly visiting forums and newsgroups, he is ever-ready to engage in written battle with less enlightened web designers or those not sharing similar views to his own, on topics such as W3C compliance, the value of WYSIWYG web design programs and the evil conspiracy between Google and Microsoft.

If questioned about his real-world activities he becomes wary, always suspecting the workings of an arch-nemesis somewhere behind the scenes. Whilst under no circumstances revealing his real-world name, he will inform the questioner that he is an Australian codemaster in his late twenties who now lives somewhere in Eastern Europe because the beer and underground music scene are better. During his spare time, he enjoys such activities as street surfing, base jumping and extreme ironing.

Through his ceaseless efforts he has built a reputation as one of ‘the few and the proud’ defenders of digital freedom and individuality, whilst gathering a steady following of eager disciples ready to receive his words of wisdom.

But, how does a hero like Dark Monsoon conceal his super identity in the real world?

Due to the need to be as inconspicuous as possible, Dark Monsoon has adopted the real world persona of Desmond Griffiths, an eighteen year old Welsh shoe shop assistant living above his uncle’s delicatessen in Milford Haven.

Claiming the smell makes him feel ill, so as to conceal his love of Eastern Bloc beer; Des has opted for a range of ‘Malternatives’ (Alcopops), which he consumes with caution for fear of having to feign bouts of violent sickness and intense hangovers. Rarely venturing to the local pub, because the Milford Haven music scene largely consists of Karaoke and since he is too busy saving the internet from itself, Des has become known as somewhat of a recluse.

An apparent fear of heights along with the ability to simulate convincing nosebleeds at speeds greater than forty miles per hour round off his ‘assumed persona’ in the real world, serving to hide his passion for extreme sports from would-be antagonists.

As you can see, whilst requiring meticulous attention to detail and superhuman self control, the disguise is all but foolproof, leaving Dark Monsoon free to continue his online crusade without fear of real-world reprisals.
And so, as we leave our unassuming hero to his real-world pursuits, we can rest assured that digital freedom, individuality and non-conformist site development will always be safeguarded by the tireless efforts of the league of underground web designers.

Please note: Since first writing this article Sasch Mayer, head author for IceGiant Web Design in Cyprus and the UK, has learned of the unfortunate demise of Desmond Wilson who was found at his computer, bludgeoned to death with a thesaurus and buried under a pile of HTML tutorial and web compliance standards books. Police suspect an arch-nemesis at work.

We will miss you Des, but we are also comforted by the fact that plenty of new superheroes are always ready to step into your virtual boots.

© 2007 Sasch Mayer - Ice Giant.

Apr 13, 2007
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